ÞŨЯρ|Эχ Ľōƒţ: 2006.09

An old poem
Saturday, September 30, 2006

DREAMS!
Sleeping with a troubled mind,
Hoping that tommorow would be a better day.
The night seems long,
as i dragged my heavy heart.

I found myself in another world,
a land i had never seen before.

I feared as everything seems real.
I feared as my troubles poured in the unkind world.
I searched to find the answer to my heart.
I searched to escape from this world.

Dawn arrived,
Tears filled my eyes.
With all doubts in my mind,
I closed my eyes again and wished to be another world.

I dread to be in the same unkind world again,
for fear that i will hurt the wounded heart.

I stunned as I found myself in the other unkind land.
I hated that and asked myself why do i deserve this.
I forced myself to escape as my heart bleed.
I hate to dream again for it brings more fear.
-2003

I wrote this many years ago. Had stopped writing poem long long ago. Came across it few days ago. Sometimes dreams tells you alot you had pondered and your subconscious state of mind. I do remember my dreams half the time. And I had been dreaming everyday - my bed is a dream bed! Amongst all dreams, I tink I have least sweet dreams. Maybe due to my unhappiness and uncertainty in the past. All others are funny, unhappy or mysterious dreams. Yesternite, my mood went to the deep low point that I feel depressed - hormones at fault! I was missing NiKi so much as he was the one that I go to when I cried and feeling unhappy. My state of mind kept stirring to the past events on "what-if". I was so hoping NiKi will come into my dream. And I recalled, I did had a strange dream with a dog - but it's not NiKi. The dog is fury white but yet the top back is yellowish - quite a messy looking dog. *shrug* Now only chocs will make me happy for now - and I had choc cake and choc drink just now. I eat and sleep almost everytime. But my weighing scale remains the same. *Uhmm* More food coming up to me next week as I'd a list of food to catch - laksa, wantanmee, charkueyteow and many more!

Lost & More Lost
Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Firstly, Jon lost. Then JCF lost. WTH!!! ROUND 1 and he's out!!!. Then I got lost in my TV world and couldn't get outta - Haha. Yah, still not shortlisted for any positions. Guess I will review my CV after I'm back from holiday!!!

But just abit roll eye whenever FRIENDs & family members starting to ask my nua-ness status and asking me not to be disheartened. I just get dismayed by these kind advices. My response? "Hey, I don't tink negatively (I'm not a loser!)". In fact, I feel mentally strong and I will worked out on it. Plus I'm happy mood now. Sigh - please don't dampered my spirits.

To all kind words - Thanks but no thanks.

Speak Properly
Thursday, September 21, 2006

My TV is on now and I'm listening to a chinese programme. (why listening, cos my eyes are on my monitor!) So one gal actually attracted my ears. She was speaking her sentence with two words english, two words mandarin. Geez, can't she speaks in ONE language? I pondered, why these chinese programme did not attempt to ask them to speak properly? And what are the kids going to learn?! How people speaks on TV will actually influence the audience! *sigh* Are we really going to project to others that we speak this way?

An incident this evening at the event. One Indian uncle and his wife walked in. The gal next to me asked for their names and also show them the namelist to check. Mr Uncle GOT so furious that his family name was spell incorrectly. And he remarked, "How can you get my name wrongly? Shouldn't all these in the database? This is so wrong. Tell that to ur management!" The gal just apologised and smiled. I was raising eyebrow thou. So much wanted to tell "Hello Mr Uncle, ur family name is TAMiL, but the list - it spelled as TAMoL - typo can anot . Since you say database shd have the name, do u know on the keyboard, "i" and "o" is just next to each other!? This list is just a simple type out list from spreadsheet can anot. If need to go database retrieve ur name, expensive leh!" Geez, typical arrogant behaviour of the day. Otherwise, it had been a nice experience on a shake leg work - just need to open wide my ears to hear names and numbers and have a warm smile - basic courtesy!

My old game addiction
Monday, September 18, 2006

I switched on my old pc to make sure it is still in working condition and I saw some old caption files. Might as well have an entry dedicated to my old addiction - playing mud game! I played this game since ~~1997~~ 1996 till 1998 - my life revolved only to this addiction! So what had it caused me? Didn't do well for my last year in poly...hahaha...Well, it took me 1.5 year to 'raise' my char - playing almost every day. I did this character right from the beginning without 'committing suicide' aka redo the character.

So proudly presenting my Level 28 - The Savant, Shann Hathor!!! (Er, donno why I chosen that lastname *scratch head*)

Title Name Reputation Gang/Guild
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Savant Shann Hathor Good StArSEarCh

Name: Shann Hathor Lives/CP: 8/0
Race: Gnome Exp: 28272516 Perception: 75
Class: Druid Level: 28 Stealth: 0
Hits: 177/254 Armour Class: 49/2 Thievery: 0
Mana: * 152/184 Spellcasting: 125 Traps: 0
Picklocks: 0
Strength: 65 Agility: 95 Tracking: 0
Intellect: 85 Health: 95 Martial Arts: 70
Wisdom: 70 Charm: 35 MagicRes: 106

[HP=254/MA=184]: (Resting) exp
Exp: 28278016 Level: 28 Exp needed for next level: 2586371 (30864387) [91%]

Iron Mine Tunnel
This long, low-ceilinged tunnel is supported by heavy wooden beams that run
up the walls and cross the ceiling. The tunnel walls themselves are made of a
brownish-red rock, run through with thin veins of iron too small to mine.
Obvious exits: west, northeast
[HP=254/MA=70]:[HP=254/MA=81]:
Iron Mine Tunnel
Also here: large dwarven warrior.
Obvious exits: south, east
[HP=254/MA=81]:swar
*Combat Engaged*
[HP=254/MA=81]:l e
Iron Mine Tunnel
This long, low-ceilinged tunnel is supported by heav wooden beams that run
up the walls and cross the ceiling. The tunnel walls themselves are made of a
brownish-red rock, run through with thin veins of iron too small to mine.
Obvious exits: west, northeast
[HP=254/MA=81]:exp
Exp: 28159841 Level: 28 Exp needed for next level: 2704546 (30864387) [91%]
[HP=254/MA=81]:You cast swarm on the room for 10 damage!
[HP=254/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=254/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 10 damage!
[HP=244/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 4 damage!
[HP=240/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=240/MA=75]:plas wa
*Combat Off*
[HP=240/MA=75]:*Combat Engaged*
[HP=240/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 15 damage!
[HP=225/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 9 damage!
[HP=216/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 9 damage!
[HP=207/MA=75]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=207/MA=75]:You attempt to cast plasma bolt, but fail.
[HP=207/MA=68]:You hear movement to the south.
[HP=207/MA=68]:You fire a plasma bolt at large dwarven warrior for 54 damage!
[HP=207/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=207/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=207/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 10 damage!
[HP=197/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 11 damage!
[HP=186/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=186/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=186/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=186/MA=54]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 4 damage!
[HP=182/MA=54]:You fire a plasma bolt at large dwarven warrior for 52 damage!
[HP=182/MA=40]:You attempt to cast plasma bolt, but fail.
[HP=182/MA=33]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=182/MA=33]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=182/MA=33]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=182/MA=33]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=182/MA=33]:[HP=190/MA=44]:You fire a plasma bolt at large dwarven warrior for 63 damage!
[HP=190/MA=30]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 5 damage!
[HP=185/MA=30]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=185/MA=30]:The large dwarven warrior all-out chops you for 15 damage!
[HP=170/MA=30]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=170/MA=30]:You attempt to cast plasma bolt, but fail.
[HP=170/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 10 damage!
[HP=160/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=160/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=160/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=160/MA=23]:l s
Iron Mine Tunnel
This long, low-ceilinged tunnel is supported by heavy wooden beams that run
up the walls and cross the ceiling. The tunnel walls themselves are made of a
brownish-red rock, run through with thin veins of iron too small to mine.
Also here: dwarf.
Obvious exits: north, southwest
[HP=160/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=160/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 11 damage!
[HP=149/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=149/MA=23]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=149/MA=23]:You attempt to cast plasma bolt, but fail.
[HP=149/MA=16]:You fire a plasma bolt at large dwarven warrior for 59 damage!
[HP=149/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe, but you dodge!
[HP=149/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=149/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=149/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 6 damage!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:a d
*Combat Off*
[HP=143/MA=2]:*Combat Engaged*
[HP=143/MA=2]:l wa
large dwarven warrior
This powerfully-build dwarf wears heavy mail and wields a broad axe. From
beneath his iron helmet his dark eyes peer out watchfully. Skilled and powerful
warriors, the dwarven folk of Khazarad are not to be made enemies of lightly.
He appears to be critically wounded.
[HP=143/MA=2]:You smash large dwarven warrior for 7 damage!
[HP=143/MA=2]:You swing at large dwarven warrior with your runic warhammer!
[HP=143/MA=2]:You swing at large dwarven warrior with your runic warhammer!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=143/MA=2]:[HP=151/MA=13]:You swing at large dwarven warrior with your runic warhammer!
[HP=151/MA=13]:You smash large dwarven warrior for 8 damage!
[HP=151/MA=13]:You smash large dwarven warrior for 6 damage!
[HP=151/MA=13]:You critically smash large dwarven warrior for 21 damage!
[HP=151/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=151/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 16 damage!
[HP=135/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=135/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe, but you dodge!
[HP=135/MA=13]:You hear movement to the east.
[HP=135/MA=13]:You smash large dwarven warrior for 9 damage!
[HP=135/MA=13]:You swing at large dwarven warrior with your runic warhammer!
[HP=135/MA=13]:You swing at large dwarven warrior with your runic warhammer!
[HP=135/MA=13]:You smash large dwarven warrior for 9 damage!
[HP=135/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 4 damage!
[HP=131/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=131/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 12 damage!
[HP=119/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 4 damage!
[HP=115/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=115/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=115/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior chops you for 11 damage!
[HP=104/MA=13]:The large dwarven warrior swings at you with its dwarven axe!
[HP=104/MA=13]:You critically smash large dwarven warrior for 34 damage!
[HP=104/MA=13]:21 gold drop to the ground.
The dwarven warrior attempts one last swing, but falls dead!
[HP=104/MA=13]:You gain 2600 experience.

Blah, took me so long to whack a 2.6k mob! Well, I'm not a fighter class. But I had to just swing my weapon at mob as no mana left to cast spell :) Heee..well at least I can heal myself! Yippe!!!

[HP=177/MA=152]: (Resting) rgen
You lower your head and begin to chant in arcane tones.
You complete the regeneration spell and lay your hands upon Shann!
[HP=177/MA=140]:You are regenerating quickly!

Rainy Day
Saturday, September 16, 2006

It has been raining the whole day. A very cooling weather - so I decided that I should pack my wardrobe. I'm so glad I'd completed the task. I saw one of my old Levis Jeans, and I tried it on. I was suprised I could nicely fit in. I thought I couldn't fit in anymore as it was an OLD jeans. Then saw another pair of soft jeans which I remembered the very last time I tried it, I couldn't breathe. But now, I can again. "Wow, did I lost weight?", I asked myself. That's so unlikely since I'm been living like a pig - eat & sleep. I was "happy" with myself fitting into old size. But then, I thought about it - could have been the cold weather causing body strink. How true is that? I told m!n about that analogy, she then replied me, today her usual fit skirt seems to be loose and seems to be dropping off! Haa...Bingo!

Anyway, it's Friday night out with M&M@Iguana. I was on the train and saw a sec 1 classmate. Kind of surprised me as I can immediately recalled her name. I stood right in front of her, but as usual, I'm unrecognisable :D I'm about half a head taller than her now. Many many years ago, she was a head taller than me. Oops..then I heard a name when she was calling a friend on the phone. Ohhoo, another familiar name - so they are still in contacts. If I'm not wrong, they should be good friends. I smiled in my heart and felt happy as I leave the train.

Had strawberrrrry magarita & some nice finger food. When M reached, I suddenly caught a chill. Brrrr... sneezed and sneezed. Dammm I realised I'm dehydrating! Plus it doesn't help when the yellow box is right behind me! Didn't get to eat a good main course nor the flourless cake that I aimed for :( I tried that cake the first time I was there. However, all subsequent visits, my stomach already burst before I can have dessert. Geez.....I want my CAKE!

Weeee just told me little stuwee met a car accident. He is fine now. But damm that careless driver. *Amen*

Just another day
Friday, September 15, 2006

It's another lobo day as I sent a resume out, cleaned my room, pack some stuff - my room is forever packing mode. Several things:

: Jon is in the FINAL of SI *pop champagne* - M is going to pull in 20 votes for him *winkz*
: Papi is no longer around at Pet Corner's display which is something great, now he has sm1 to care and luv him. He's way too costly for me...2k :( Thou Poodle (i'd named him MILO) is still around, he is also too costly :(
: Dad is going to have his one week leave - same as my sis - wah, next week I better get it filled wif "activities" out of the house
: Phunk is coming back next month *dance a jig* - shall book him for one coffee session at kopiclub with tiraimisu al cafe~
: Pal is gg on holiday soon WITHOUT ME *tap feet*

I'm planning for a short holiday. Yippee!!! TGIF!!!

Oldies
Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Phunk told me our graduation date was 10 Sept 2003, and he was surprised I remembered. Graduation was def my proudest, best memory who phunk - the only friend around - shared that piece with me. Memories keep us alive. But as we grow older, it seems to drift away. Well, I've a good brain on old memories, especially good ones. But of cos I'm not a supergal, must hv some stuff to remind me! Yesternite, I just couldn't sleep, so I decided to get up and went thru some old stuff and saw those old cards I received from friends. Ding! It brought me some years back just like a time machine. Then I decided to write to 3 friends - my pal, my "kor" and some1 who I always ignored. Why I choosen to write to them? Mmm...my pal of cos affect my life esp growing up years. My "kor" was always there to hear my problems esp when my real kor starting to drift away. But of lately, we stopped communicating cos we are too busy to rem each other. Now, I took the initiative, and of cos he is surprised about it. Great ME, isn't it? I finally decided to write to the friend who I always ignored and never bothered to write back. It was simply becos then, I dun hv anything to say. But now, I finally understand his effort in trying to maintain the "frenship". Thou I will still dun take him as a real life friend, he still a friend "electronically". Friends came in many forms especially in this technology age. Life in these age is really stressful. We just forget how we get here and who see us get here. Sometimes we just really need to halt and look back at those people that passed us. Even we do not need them now, a simple 'HI' is really appreciative. Call me sentiment!

Graduated
Tuesday, September 12, 2006

It's been 3 years after graduation. Awe. Those were the days. I managed to find out the "yearbook" thingy a year or two later. Our names are up there. So to our great memories! *Cheers to the two jobless us*

Spot On!
Friday, September 08, 2006

Now then I know what the turtle icon means tt is frequently now appearing on my msn contact list. It was confusing me initially as 2 of my contacts who do not know each other has the turtle icon in their nicks. So now I totally get it! Geez....turtle and crocs are so miles apart! *scratch head*

O..jOn in final 3 - it was such nerve wrecking. M was reassuring me he will get thru. Woopie...next week will be an INTERESTING show.

I'd been watching GA's DVD - finished season ONE over the wkend, and sis wants me to finished season TWO asap so that she can get any error discs for xchg. There are 6 discs for season 2, I only had completed 2 which quality aren't as good as ONE! My chasing show level had gone down as i'm trying to slow down the pace and enjoyed the show.

On my journey to temple ydae, I had sudden thots of my niki. Missed him suddenly, and this sunday will be his 49th day. It had been 7 weeks... :( I still missed him much and it will be liked that for many years. Thou his stay was short but yet memorable, I'd grown very attached to him unlike my previous dogs. Geez, this is so hard. Hope he's doing fine somewhere out there. I'd planned to write a journal about him. Will get it done soon.

O
Thursday, September 07, 2006

I overslept my nap! Haa. Thankfully mum was back to wake me up :D Anyway I made my way to the studio for SI Live wif my sis. Spin had something cropped up..so my sis hv to go with me - who is happy to go too! Managed to meet Bec shortly and got the tickets. She also passed us fan tags that they'd made it themselves. How thoughtful~.~ Was stunned to learnt that we will seated in front. Nice view. Tsk Tsk. And I'd help to carry the alphabet 'O'. And also hiding behind it. Wahaha. I was impressed with the performance tonight esp the one I'm supporting! *Thumbs up* I hope to catch the repeat on TV where it is quieter in my own nest. My ears had almost went deaf with all those yelling. It had been many many years that I went to the studio. Nothing had change - probably the only difference is the crowd. Now, I'm no longer teenager! Hiak!

M had a new hair colour. Mmm, I was resisted to it initially cos too shocking for me. But I'd gotten use to it. Now I think it looks nice for a new look... :) *Ponder* should I colour my hair too?????? No!!!

Idol Chasing
Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Well, I'm not a hard core idol chaser. My mentality is if it's within my means, I will go and see my idol. It's a form that I believe that it is only ONCE in a lifetime thing to do. It's so hard to meet a person in the other part of the world. So somehow, it's a form of connection even he/she dunno who I am. So within my capability, I will have to go and capture this event and imprint it into my memory. But my limits are, I won't prepare any posters or even presents or going airport to welcome. Mine is just a simple, go see, scream abit and poof off when everything ends.

My first idol meetup came by chance. I was 16. One fine day, I opened my letterbox and saw a postcard. It was a fan concert for J Lin@Sentosa. Woopie. I was so happy but I think I wasn't certain of going. It was my sister who went along with me did I decided to go. Haa..she's my victim number 1. I remembered the event caused me multiple bruises as I was standing in front of the barriers. I was pushed from behind and the barriers just give way and eventually I fell. From this memorable event, I learnt about being courteous and not shoving/pushing at people. But till date, people still behaved stupidly and trying to squeeze into crowded areas.

I guessed J Lin is the only person I went to see him 3x. The other time was with ms piglet to watch him in the studio. Haa..victim nbr 2. Tsk tsk, being a good friend, of cos must do crazy things together. See, good memories together! The last time I went alone to marina square. It was his return after serving NS - so I managed to get his signature and a handshake... Wahaha - I'm so supportive.

My victim nbr 3 - M - who went with me to catch JJ and KSW. Hiak Hiak Hiak. I did asked if he's uncomforty, and I did not force him by knife! I guess he enjoyed too. Wahhaha. Now, I have only one in mind - is to see my tennis idol JCF in action. Geez, I guessed it will take some time at some place and some fate for it to happen!

September 1..2..3..4..5

It's only 5th day of Sept - but quite abit of going around me. Tsk Tsk.

Firstly, I went to my nephew's one month old party - wow...he starting to look like my NIECE. And I managed to snap pic with him. Good boy, he never cry thou almost which I quickly shove him back to my bro when I sensed his uncomfort in my bony arms :P

Craziest thing of the week - I went to see my "Korean BF" - KSW! All thanks to the supporting M who accompanied me (and also carried me to let me catch a few seconds glimpse :D). It was so CROWDED and kinda pissed me with senseless people trying to squeeze into our area which is really a DEAD END. I usually just keep quiet, but I just let my mouth do the talking and make sacarstic remarks on them. *BRRRRR* Then had a great dinner & relaxing chat session wif M!N at Colbar.

But I guessed the most shocking is my M had a new hairdo and different colour!!! *smirk* Took me quite awhile to ACCEPT his new look...New Look, New Luck? :D

Going to SI on wed with spin! Woopie!!! It had been quite some time I'd seen spin! (Other than that short encounter last year!) Probably both of us will be melted then :D And also to do a little catchup with beck.

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